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At a Loss is a podcast series of conversations about death, grief and loss. Hosted by Timothy Giles and proudly supported by Davis Funeral services, this podcast brings to the fore, conversations around those subjects we find difficult and sometimes taboo to talk about such as infant loss, suicide, widowhood and even such delicate subjects as embalming, care of the deceased and moving on to new relationships after the death of a spouse.
16 Episodes
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1When Kenzie, Nic Russell’s daughter was 2 she was diagnosed with cancer and sadly died. But there was another challenge, Nic also had a 5 year old son that she needed to support through this journey. In this episode, Nic talks about how important it is to be honest and open with children about death and how she founded Kenzie’s Gift, a research-based support resource especially for children and young people.
Weddings, christening, namings and divorce rituals, At 71 years, celebrant Keith King has done them all but his favourite is funerals. Keith tells host Timothy Giles about supporting people through their own death and answers the question of how to die.
Reverend Mua Strickson-Pua has 30 years ministry serving generations through life, and loss. As host Timothy Giles seeks tips from Rev Mua on surviving and thriving, emotions arise, anger and tears, ending in a moment of magic.
Our host Timothy Giles swaps seats this week to share his grief. Guest Aston Wells returns. Having shared his devastation and adaptation to life without his treasured brother Sean, he's back to check on Timothy after the sudden death of his big brother Paul.
Jill Goldson of Family Matters has in an earlier episode, coached us through coping with the losses that come with Covid. Today she shares the more personal and profound struggles she faces, since the death of her husband Malcolm. Has her personal professional skill set as a highly credentialed counselor, researcher and academic eased her grief reflex? Host TImothy Giles is surprised by the answer.
Fighting Fit. Perfectly describes Sean Wells. Sean's older brother Aston, discovered Sean in bed one morning, cold and dead. He died of natural but still unclear causes. Aston's life collapsed and he tells our host and Wells' family friend Timothy Giles of ten years grief driven risk taking and addiction, a life on the edge, until finally finding acceptance and peace with the grief for his lost and deeply loved brother.
Can you grieve something other than the loss of a loved one? What is this strange feeling of lethargy and sadness if no one had died? In Maria Millar's second episode, she talks to our host Timothy Giles about understanding feelings of grief that are due to a loss other than death. Loss of a job, a dream, a career, a relationship, we grieve all those things and allowing ourselves to can make all the difference.
Suicide touches so many. Leaving wounds and wonderings that are hard to heal. Difficult even to mention. So in this episode Timothy Giles talks with his friend and old workmate, Mark Wilson, about Mark’s experience of his wife’s suicide. Working in mental health communications now Mark takes us through the experiences and emotions of devastating loss. As well as personal insights into how to cope, and to help others heal.
This is not the life Trish Guttenbeil signed up for. But when husband Jason was diagnosed with terminal cancer, she lost the ability to chart her future with him. Just nine months later Trish was a widow and sole parent to their four children. In this episode Trish tells host Timothy Giles of the devastating impacts of losing a life partner. Explaining in compelling and moving detail the layers of loss that surpassed the grief previously, felt even though Trish has already experienced significant loss in her life. Even knowing death was coming and when, being experienced in adapting to grief, widowhood arrives a uniquely challenging surprise.
Jill Goldson is our first listener that has gotten in touch with us to record her own episode. Jill is the Director of The Family Matters Centre and has over 30 years working to support families, kids and couples. Although her intention was to talk about another subject altogether, with New Zealand now returning to various levels of lockdown due to Covid-19, our host Timothy Giles asks Jill how we cope with challenges of Covid stopping playing in playgrounds, sports fields and perhaps worst of all, in relationships.
"We should teach death in schools.” Daetona Rawiri has a vision for life education for young people, putting death into the curriculum. Yet to turn 20 years old, he is coming into his fourth year working in the funeral sector.
In this episode Daetona talks to host Timothy GIles across cultures, of his experience growing up with Taha Maori and the honour he experiences in working to facilitate the passage of the dead and to ease the pain of the living. He bridges too the generation gap. Showing our rapidly ageing host, a future where Te ao, me te po, the worlds of light and dark, are known and lived between, with ease and a wisdom that sometimes the young guide us to best.
Approaching his 40th year as a funeral director and embalmer, Martin Williams is expert in grief and loss. In these years he has seen and done it all. A natural storyteller, he is able to sensitively take us to scenes of crime, of pain and of healing.
In half an hour with our host Timothy Giles, he takes us through tales and times of trauma and uncovers truths of self-care and in this conversation, even uncovers his own grief. All with a quiet and easy dignity
No parent should bury their child. A saying heard too often and always at times of profound pain. A pain familiar to Sara Lane, who’s first baby, son Josh was stillborn. In the years since Sara has become a committed volunteer with Sands NZ, supporting bereaved parents.
In this episode Sara shares insights from years of supporting others and talks about her personal experience grieving for her child. She also schools our host Timothy GiIes on how to be with a parent who is living with this powerful loss, what to say, what to ask and the support to offer, that actually helps.
A different kind of episode, a behind the scenes chat with At a Loss host, Timothy Giles, asking why he wanted to invest his time and care into conversations of grief and loss. At a Loss Producer, Karen Earl, steps into the role of interviewer, to offer us an insight into why this podcast is and draw out our host, Timothy Giles, on his motivation and approach to being, At a Loss.
When Covid came, the world changed. When funerals were banned, our grief, our normal coping, was banned too. For people who lost a loved one like host, Timothy Giles, being locked down meant also being locked out, from the social contact and support that helps us through the shock of loss.
Covid also shocked funeral professionals. The rules changed overnight. So who reacted so rapidly? Who made these crucial new rules? Gary Taylor, the president of The Funeral Directors’ Association, along with his industry peers, The Ministry of Health and a handful of under pressure politicians, did. We talk to Gary about how they made these rapid, weighty decisions. This At a Loss episode shares personal insight into the stress and anxiety of coping with unprecedented issues.
What should we say to a friend who’s lost a
loved one?
Where do we even begin?
Maybe we begin by understanding what grief
is.
Maria Millar works the phones for The Grief Centre, helping people navigate their way through loss. She talks with people from all walks of life. Encounters every kind of reaction to grief.
In this episode, Maria offers At A Loss host, Timothy Giles, the best definition of grief he’s ever heard. A definition that he hears and makes his own, maybe you will too.
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